In a move that has sent shockwaves across stadiums and social media feeds, the NFL has reportedly banned the performance of “Lift Every Voice and Sing,” commonly referred to as the Black national anthem, at all future games. According to insiders, this decision comes after several seasons of quietly weaving the song into pre-game ceremonies alongside the “Star-Spangled Banner,” sparking debate, anger, and confusion among fans who apparently weren’t ready for a world with more than one patriotic tune.

The league’s official statement, which was released early this morning, declared: “Effective immediately, the NFL will be returning to the tradition of performing only one national anthem before games. We believe this decision best reflects the unity of our nation and the timeless principles of American football: overpriced tickets, concussion protocols, and pretending Tom Brady’s retirement is permanent.”

Unsurprisingly, the announcement has caused a media frenzy and ignited cultural tensions. Somewhere, Colin Kaepernick is shaking his head.

For the past few seasons, the NFL has made headlines for incorporating “Lift Every Voice and Sing” into its pre-game rituals, aiming to highlight diversity and acknowledge the historical struggles of Black Americans. The anthem was performed at major games, most recently by gospel powerhouse Tasha Cobbs at Arrowhead Stadium, where the Kansas City Chiefs hosted the Ravens in the 2024 season opener.

Despite the song’s peaceful melody and uplifting lyrics, reactions have been mixed. Some fans appreciated the gesture, while others seemed to break out in cold sweats at the thought of hearing a song that wasn’t about bombs bursting in air.

“I just don’t understand why we need two anthems,” said Kyle Barnes, a lifelong NFL fan whose playlist consists exclusively of Kid Rock, Toby Keith, and Lynyrd Skynyrd. “We already got one that’s been working fine for years. What’s next? A third anthem for people who prefer gluten-free nachos at the game? Where does it end?”

The NFL’s decision to return to just one anthem was framed as a move toward “unity,” but the timing of the ban has raised eyebrows. Rumors swirl that the real reason might have less to do with bringing people together and more to do with keeping certain segments of fans from hurling their remote controls through their plasma screens every time a vocalist with melanin appears on camera.

For every fan ready to burn their season tickets in protest of the anthem ban, there’s another shrugging and grabbing another Bud Light (which, by the way, was also boycotted by the same people for like five minutes earlier this year). Many fans seem utterly unbothered by the change, citing the fact that they’re usually still in line for nachos during the anthem anyway.

“Honestly, it’s not that deep,” said Brian Feldman, a Patriots fan and veteran of several heated Twitter arguments over anthem etiquette. “The Black national anthem was nice. I don’t have a problem with it. But if we’re going back to one, cool. Let’s just start the game so I can see how fast the Pats will disappoint me this season.”

Still, not everyone is taking the decision lightly. On Twitter—excuse me, X—hashtags like #AnthemGate and #TwoAnthemTruther have started to gain traction. There’s already been talk of organizing a petition to reintroduce the song, which, in typical 21st-century fashion, will probably get more signatures than a climate change bill and lead to precisely zero meaningful outcomes.

While the fans bicker from their living rooms, NFL players are left to decide how, or if, they’ll respond to the decision. Some are reportedly disheartened by the league’s sudden reversal, particularly after the NFL had previously committed to social justice initiatives following the protests of 2020. For players like Dolphins receiver Tyreek Hill, who had previously knelt during the national anthem, this feels like a step backward.

“I thought we were making progress, you know?” Hill said after practice when asked about the ban. “But now we’re back to square one. It’s like the NFL just wants to sweep things under the rug and act like everything’s fine.”

Of course, there are others who, like Belichick’s Patriots, take a strictly business approach. “We’re here to win games, man,” said one anonymous player who spoke to reporters while declining to share his position on the matter. “Look, the national anthem is great and all, but I’m more focused on getting to the playoffs. Call me when we’re debating over a third-down conversion.”

The big question now is whether this decision will have any lasting impact on the NFL’s future. Will fans flood social media with rage-tweets and then return to their regularly scheduled program of complaining about missed field goals? Or will the ban reignite the larger conversations about race, equality, and free speech that have haunted the NFL for years?

Some experts believe the move may be a strategic play by the NFL to appease its more conservative fan base, especially in light of increasing pressure from sponsors and advertisers who would prefer to keep their political drama limited to how much money they donate to Super PACs behind closed doors. Others argue that it’s simply a tone-deaf attempt to “stick to sports” in an era where sports and politics are increasingly impossible to separate.

“I think the NFL is underestimating its audience,” said Megan Daniels, a sports and culture commentator. “People are more engaged with social issues than ever before. The league is trying to walk a tightrope, but in doing so, they might just end up falling off entirely.”

At the end of the day, the NFL’s decision to ban the Black national anthem might be little more than a fleeting controversy, another entry in the long list of “things we were mad about for five minutes.” While some fans will cheer, others will cry foul, but come Sunday, most will still be glued to their TVs, ready for four quarters of football and at least six questionable calls from the referees.

If nothing else, this whole debacle has proven that while Americans may not agree on anthems, we all share one universal truth: nothing brings us together like yelling at the TV over sports.

And let’s be honest—whether you’re standing for the national anthem, sitting in protest, or still trying to find your seat after loading up on overpriced hot dogs, the NFL’s real anthem will always be that satisfying crunch of helmet on helmet as the game begins. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about politics. It’s about touchdowns, baby.

And maybe nachos.